Dirty Pickup Lines

• The last woman I was with said, “Kiss me where it stinks.” So, I drove her to New Jersey.

• Didn’t you used to be known as John Holmes?

• Can I park my car in your garage? It’s pretty big, but it doesn’t leak.

• Mind if I make like a Hoover on your wing-wang there?

• Have you heard The Rolling Stones’ album, A Bigger Bang? If you go home with me, they will have named it after us.

• Aren’t you the guy who gets fan mail from Ron Jeremy?

• My face seats five; where’s your ticket?

• I grew up during the sixties, with the peace and love generation. If I can’t get some love, I’d like to get a piece.

• You’re so hot, I’ll bet your vibrator is made of asbestos.

• We’re having a penis-measuring contest over there. Do you have a yardstick that we could borrow?

• Well spread my cheeks and call me ‘cell bitch;’ you’re prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!

• Having sex is a lot like golf. I’m always happy when I get a hole in one.

• I have a tongue like an anteater; want to go to the zoo?

• I’m an interior decorator. I can fill your interior; I see something big and pink.

• I’m a Virgo. What’s your sign – Fire Down Below?

• Congratulations! You have just been voted "Most Beautiful Boy/Girl In This Room," and the grand prize is a night with me!

• On my last date, we played strip poker. We stripped, and I poked her.

• You remind me of an animal – skunk pussy.

• I'm French. Do you have any French in you? Would you like some?

• That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!

• Do you cum here, often?

• I’ve got a buff tongue and I know how to use it!

• (If you ever run into someone with a blue tongue) Have you been giving Papa Smurf a blowjob?

• The word for tonight is “legs.” Do you want to spread the word?

• Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?

• Let’s play army. You can blow the hell out of me!

• If I saw you naked, I’d die happy.

• Want to see my hard drive? It ain’t 3.5 inches, and it ain’t floppy!

• Ever tried those weird, prickly condoms?

• I’ve never seen such a big bulge in a man’s pants. Wait a minute, yes I have – mine.

• Do you want to go skinny-dipping?

• I can screw like mad in this wheelchair.

• Lie down on that couch and pretend your feet hate each other.
  
  Did you hear the one about the really ugly man, and I mean REALLY ugly man, who goes into a bar? He sits down at the bar and within seconds he is talking to a bunch of women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with two of the most beautiful women.
  
  Disheartened by this, a good-looking man asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women. What's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want, but I haven't been able to
  hook up all night. What's going on?"
  
  "Well," says the bartender, "I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits
  there licking his eyebrows." (Then, lick your eyebrows.)
  

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