Bad Pickup Lines

• Hi! I decided to quit meeting women at our family reunions.

• My wife just died.

• My husband just died.

• What’s your sign?

• What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

• The more I drink, the better you look.

• If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

• Where have you been all my life?

• Your place or mine?

• I swing both ways; I like boys – and men.

• There are two kinds of people in the world: my kind and millions of jerks.

• Are there any more at home like you?

• Baby, you’re lookin’ gooooood!

• I hate bars, don’t you?

• Is that a tic-tac in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

• Gee, you don’t sweat much for a fat chick.

• Will you light my fire? (No.) Will you light my farts?

• My favorite sport is channel surfing. Want to hop on my board?

• Approach a table of women, whip out your goods and say, “See anybody here you recognize?”

• I’ve had quite a bit to drink and you’re beginning to look pretty good.

• Hey baby, ya wanna get lucky?

• Does this smell like chloroform to you?

• I used to have acne like that. Want to know how I cured it?

• (At the beach) The surf isn’t the only thing that’s up.

• That’s last call. Wanna hook up?

• Wow, somebody smells fantastic! Did you just fart?

• Are you into handcuffs and leather?

• Do you have a job?

• I’ll bet I’ve been married more times than you have!

• Have you tried the South Beach diet?

• What stinks?

• What flavor is your underwear?

• My name is John Wayne Gacy. Do you have a brother I can meet?

• Aren’t you in therapy?

• Hey, honey. Pull my finger.

• Did you forget to get a bikini wax, or do you like having the Brazilian rain forest in your pants?

• I’m dyslexic. Fanna Wuck?

• So, how many plastic surgeries have you had?

• I have six toes on one foot.

• Are those real?

• Listen! Just a heads-up. Herpes is a deal breaker for me.

• Who was your divorce lawyer?

• I’ve seen Deep Throat ten times. It was kind of a complicated movie, but I was finally able to get it all down.

• What college do you go to? I go to UBW, the University of Big Weenies; I’m the president.

• Those are bodacious ta-tas!

• Is that a book you’re reading?

• Do you want to go trick or treating? You show me some tricks; I’ll give you some treats.

And that's about it for our collection of "bad pickup lines".

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