Relationship Help

Relationship Advice for Men, Women, and Couples

People needing relationship help often just need a few tips for coping with the demands of a long-term romance, whether it’s emphasizing the positivity or, more often, reducing the negativity in their love life.

Men and women make the mistake that intent, better known as love and affection, are going to be enough. But a good relationship isn’t based just on love and affection, but acting on that love and affection.

Loving acts and gestures of real affections are key to a healthy relationship. In other words, having a beautiful romance is as much about your actions as it is about your intent. Two lovers can’t only “mean well”.

Relationship Help for Men, Women, and Couples

Don’t Make Life a Soap Opera

Too many of the couples I see seem to view their relationship as some kind of soap opera. That is, it’s like they watch relationship drama television, reality tv shows, and romantic comedy films and think that’s the way life should be. What makes a good story up on the screen does not make for a good real life relationship.

For instance, there is a method for writing romantic comedy movies where a complication arises for the 3rd Act of the movie. With 20 minutes left, some complication arises, whether one or the other members of the couple say something or do something stupid, alienating the other member of the pair and causing a breakup or rift of some sort. They get it resolved by the end of the movie and have a nice romantic reunion, a passionate kiss (and no doubt, passionate off-screen lovemaking), and everyone lives happily ever after. Roll the credits.

In real life, though, there are things called “longstanding resentments”, “history”, and long memories. If you’re constantly having a crisis in your romance, you’ll end up building up grudges in your love life that are never going to get resolved. Unlike movies, you and your girlfriend (or boyfriend) have to live with the consequences of the hurtful things you say and do to one another. A long memory is a dangerous impediment to a happy love life, but hurtful actions like saying the most hurtful thing possible or sleeping with the other person’s best friend or worst rival isn’t likely to get resolved with a kiss-and-makeup scene, even if it appears to be resolved at first.

Too often, though, couples I see act like this is the normal way to conduct a relationship. I call it having a “Hollywood Romance”, because these people want their Hollywood breakups and make-ups, but end up just making each other’s lives miserable. If you can’t live in a movie, you might as well behave like people in a romantic comedy or on a reality show. That’s not reality, though.

Get Back to Basics – Relationship Tips

To keep a relationship fresh, you have to dwell on the positive side of things, instead. Constantly renew your relationship by going back to the essential part of your love. That doesn’t mean doing the same thing over and over or performing the same rituals again and again. It means remembering what it was that made your romance great at first, then recapturing the spirit of that romance by doing things together which encourage that same sense of romance.

How did the two of you first bond? Did the two of you sit on the phone and talk about the future? Did the two of you meet dancing? Did the two of you sneak away to make love in out-of-the-way places?

Whatever the case, try to rekindle that love and affection by doing something similar to what it was that used to make your mutual love so great.

Don’t Go to Bed Angry – Romance Tips

Never go to bed without resolving a fight. People having smoldering resentments and words they never get off their mind, and believe me, it’s often far better that you never say certain things on your mind. But when hurtful words are said, this needs to be resolved. Communication, understanding, and forgiveness are key in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Listen and Don’t Talk – Relationship Suggestions

When all else fails, listen to what the other person is saying. I don’t mean “hear” what they are saying. Instead, close your mouth, hear what they are saying, listen to what she (or he) is trying to communicate, then understand what they are getting at. This require empathy and selflessness, putting aside your selfish wants and needs, and trying to understand their feelings. Listening is just as important of a communication tool as talking is.

Eventually, your partner will have to listen to what you’re saying, too, but if the two of you are shouting at each other and raising your voices to be heard, understand that he or she isn’t going to hear what you’re trying to communicate anyway. In that case, it’s better to be silent and listen to what your partner is trying to convey. In time, you’ll be able to get your point across.

Talk to a Professional – Helping Relationships

If nothing else works, the two of you should talk to a professional relationship counselor. These people not only act as a mediator in your constant disputes, but they can give the two of you tools to make your relationship better. When you go to a marriage counselor or a relationship advisor, it’s more than just talking about what’s wrong or learning to listen to each other. The two of you are being trained to have a better relationship. You learn methods to make you better love partners, so give this a try before you end a long-term serious relationship. Guys hate the idea of this stuff, but counseling works.

Broken Relationships – Get Out

When you take all these steps faithfully and consistently, but your relationship still doesn’t work, then you have to consider getting out of the romance altogether. When you make a special effort to attend to their needs and to rekindle the love, affection, and passion, and this person doesn’t respond or continually fails to communicate with you or listen to your side, you aren’t getting what you need out of this partnership.

Furthermore, if the person at any point becomes verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, you need to get out of this relationship. No amount of relationship help is going to make an incorrigible partner better. Maybe they have anger issues or psychological problems that no amount of love is going to fix. The fact is, you get into a relationship for companionship, affection, positive affirmation, and support, and if these things aren’t being provided (and there’s no sense they ever will be), then it’s far better to find a better relationship.

Sometimes, the best relationship help you can get is for someone to advise you to get out of the relationship, because it just isn’t good for you. That might not be what you want to hear, but the truth can be painful to hear sometimes. While you might not get what you need in your next romance, you certainly aren’t getting the help you need in this relationship, so it’s time to try something new.

Relationship Help Books

For additional reading about finding help for your failing relationship, here are 10 relationship help books on various dating issues: breakups, coping with a breakup, and how to avoid breakups.

For Men Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn
Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work by Kim Paleg
The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make by Carolyn Nordin Bushong
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson
When Anger Hurts Your Relationship: 10 Simple Solutions for Couples Who Fight by Kim Paleg
Positive Thinking For Single Men: 92 Tips for Staying Happy and Positive When You’re Not in a Relationship by Gary Vurnum
Save Your Relationship: 21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum
What Women Want Men to Know: The Ultimate Book about Love, Sex, and Relationships for You–and the Man You Love by Barbara De Angelis

Relationship Help Quotes

If you don’t need an analysis for your relationship troubles, but instead an inspirational quotes or words of wisdom to help you through the troubled times, here are a number of the best relationship quotes to help you focus your mind and your heart.

An argument is always about what has been made more important than the relationship. – Hugh Prather
When a thought is too weak to be expressed simply, simply drop it. – Marquis de Vauvenargues
When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself. – Martin Walsh
Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships. – Stephen R. Covey
When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself. – Martin Walsh
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. – Anonymous
No one makes you feel anything. It is how you react and respond that determines your emotions. – Brian Tracy
Two great talkers will not travel far together. – Spanish Proverb
Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for ’tis better to be alone than in bad company. – George Washington
Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. – Anthony Robbins
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people that are reckless with yours. – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
All broken relationships can be traced back to broken agreements. – Stephen Covey
Little kindness and courtesies are so important. In relationships, the little things are the big things. – Stephen R. Covey
Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other. – Russ Von Hoelscher

Relationship Help

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