How to Make Love
How to Make Love to a Woman
The phrase “making love” hasn’t always referred to full-on sexual intercourse. For years, “making love” to someone just meant demonstrating your affection as in “making” it known that you “love” them. Making love by this definition can include kissing, holding hands, or talking softly into your lover’s ear. It is only recently that we use the phrase making love to mean sex–sometime in the middle of the last century.
And then again, making love doesn’t refer to just any old sex act. The words making love are reserved for an especially gentle or intimate sexual experience, something akin to the difference between kissing and making out. When a person says “We made love all night long” they are generally referring to a particularly enjoyable or romantic sexual occasion.
If you want to know how to make love instead of just having sex, we offer the following lovemaking tips and techniques.
1. Move Slowly
People enjoy sex the way they enjoy anything — variety is the spice of life. Sometimes we want more forceful sex, a faster pace, or a little bit rough. Making love is reserved for slow and gentler sex. With work and our other daily responsibilities, it is easy to get in a habit of rushing through sex. Making love means taking your time and really paying attention to your partner’s satisfaction.
Moving slowly while making love is also good because when a man takes it a bit slower in bed, he tends to have better stamina. Since making love is about the physical and emotional experience of sex, and not about a race to an orgasm, taking your time will make the experience more pleasurable and more memorable.
2. Talk Dirty to Your Lover
Just because making love is gentle doesn’t mean it’s innocent. Talking dirty to your partner while making love is great, especially for couples who may not engage in this kind of talk most of the time. Lovemaking means taking your time and you can also use it as a time to excite your lover with your words and not just your touch.
Talking dirty takes many forms. You don’t have to curse like a sailor but there should be an element of the naughty in your pillow talk. If you’re a woman, consider telling your lover to spank you, pull your hair, or do something else that you think will turn him on. For men, tell your lover how good her body feels, how much you love to make love to her, and other slightly naughty things.
Opening up to each other about your truly dirty feelings for one another can be a big moment in your sexual partnership, opening up new sexual opportunities even when you’re not “making love.”
3. Massage
Crucial to lovemaking is touch. Not all touch has to be sexual in nature, in fact some of the best touching is more like massage or healing touch. Since making love is a long-term event, consider starting off a lovemaking session with massage and other gentle touching. Too often, we get into a sexual rut with our partner. Gently massaging each other relaxes the muscles and the mind, allowing for better and more meaningful lovemaking.
You don’t have to just start off making love with massage, you can use it throughout your lovemaking. Gently rub your partner’s shoulders or back while you are making love, you’ll be surprised at the deep connections the two of you make when normally you’re just having sex. Massage is also great for after a lovemaking session, allowing your bodies and minds to “cool down” together and helping form an emotional bond.
4. Take Breaks
As strange as it seems, the best lovemaking is drawn out and may not actually involve a constant state of sexual excitement. Think back to your first sexual experiences with your partner–you probably took your time and drank each other in, spending a long time looking into one another’s eyes, touching, and learning about one another. Making love can be like that every time–the key is to take breaks.
When one partner starts to feel a little out of breath, tired, thirsty, or whatever–take a break. Hold each other, talk about your day, continue to give gentle massage, but stay in the bed. Take a break for water or the bathroom if need be, but you should always come back to the bed or to the site of your lovemaking. There’s nothing wrong with taking breaks during lovemaking, in fact it could increase the pleasure by a great magnitude.
“Making love” is basically having sex in slow motion. That doesn’t mean you have to constantly keep a slow rhythm to your lovemaking, but it does mean taking care that you’re paying attention to your lover’s body and your lover’s needs.
See also: What Women Want in Bed
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This entry was posted on Friday, August 20th, 2010 at 6:02 pm and is filed under How To, Intimacy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.