I Need a Girlfriend
Pitfalls of a Single Life
The attitude “I need a girlfriend” can be a heavy load to carry around.
If you tell yourself all the time “I need love” or “I have to have companionship“, you’re going to have a certain sense of urgency in meeting women and asking girls out.
That’s a good thing on one level, but if that sense of urgency goes too far, you start to feel and act desperate. There really is nothing worse than desperation in finding a girl to date. You press. You make mistakes. You’re likely to come off looking like a loser, or doing something crazy.
Desperation Is Your Enemy
That is not a good thing. Women can sense desperation, and they don’t like it. Young guys all the time make the mistake of thinking they will impress a girl, if only they can prove to her how much love and passion they feel.
Passionate, Romantic Men
Passion and romance are good once you’re through the door, but if you’re on the outside wanting in, you’re like a stranger pounding on the door wanting in a house. The harder you beat on the door, the less likely the person inside is going to open it.
Boys Needing Girlfriends
Let me give an example from my own personal experience. I used to know this guy (let’s call him “Jake”) who moped around every day because he didn’t have a girlfriend. Nothing seemed to get his attention, except the subject of his non-existent love life.
When that particular subject came up, though, Jake would get wild-eyed and start talking at great length about his failures with the women he knew. This young man (he was in high school) claimed to have asked out every girl in his class, and all of them turned him down. Now Jake wasn’t fat or ugly, though he was a little dense. His main problem was he had long, straight hair which fell in his face, and naturally made his acne worse.
Playing Hard to Get
But Jake’s attitude was his worst problem, though. Every girl in his class knew he was desperate for a girlfriend. Any one of them knew they could have him with a word, because they knew he “needed a girlfriend”.
For these young women, there was no mystery to Jake. One 2-minute conversation was all anyone needed to figure out Jake, because he had a one-track mind. With no mystery and no challenge, there was no point for these girls. (Making it worse, he had already semi-stalked the one girl who paid him attention, his “best friend”.)
Getting a Girlfriend Helps
Eventually, Jake met a girl who wasn’t in his class. She wasn’t even in his school. From afar, this girl was infatuated with Jake. They started dating. It got sexual. Jake’s sense of desperation was gone. He stopped pressing. Pretty soon, he was dating two or three girls at once and recounting his sex stories for anyone who would listen.
Once Jake had some success with women, his entire life was changed. Apparently, he couldn’t beat them off with a stick. In fact, he no longer wanted a girlfriend, because he wanted to play the field. It turns out Jake didn’t need a girlfriend, so much as he need to get laid.
Inner Game – Girlfriend Getting Tips
Some might say Jake’s persistence paid off, that he eventually kept at it until he got what he wanted and needed. But that misses the point. Within this one cross-section of teenage females who knew Jake was desperate to have a girlfriend, he was shunned an ostracized. Only when he met a girl who didn’t know about Jake’s girl troubles did he have success.
That’s a microcosm of what I’ve been writing about on this blog lately. It’s always better to have options. It’s always better to be the pursuer than the pursued. Once you aren’t searching for that “one girl to call your own”, you’re much more likely to attract women. It helps to have a little success and the confidence that breeds, too, as Jake found out.
Needing a Girlfriend Desperately
So you can tell yourself “I need a girlfriend”. You can think you need a girlfriend, deep down in your heart, or as you lay in bed thinking about these things at night. But never let the women in your life know that’s what you’re thinking. The truth in these matters is not your friend.
Instead, go out and have a good time. Meet as many people as you can, and makes as many friends as possible. Be seen as a guy that others want to be around. Never talk about your sense of desperation or your passionate desire for companionship. Eventually, you’ll meet a girl (and probably “girls”) and you’ll get what you want.
Eventually, you’ll be on the inside. When that happens, that’s when it’s okay to show your passionate, romantic side. It’s called “first things first”, or one shoe in front of another.
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This entry was posted on Monday, June 14th, 2010 at 8:06 am and is filed under Attraction, Dating, Girls, How To. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.