How to Get a Date
Getting Dates with Girls Online or in College
Learning how to get a date has a lot to do with learning how meet women and enjoy social settings.
If you’re an introvert, you have social anxiety, or you just don’t feel comfortable right now in a room full of people, I know this is going to be tough at first. But the more you do this, the easier it gets, the more comfortable you’ll feel, and the better you become at meeting girls. In fact, if you’re this type of person, you’re going to be most interested in learning how to get a date online.
Imagine other things in life you’re good at: school, artistic work, sports, or games. For example, you weren’t good at video games when you first started playing them, either. But after months and years of practice, they’re second nature to you.
Be Social – Go Where People Are
You can’t meet girls and get a date with a girl if you never have a chance to speak with girls and interact with them. So be social. Be seen at places other people in your dating age go. Join clubs. Attend gatherings and meetings. Go where other people your age are at.
To win the game, you have to get in the game.
Talk to People – Get to Know Girls
Once you’re there, it’s not enough to just be seen. You need to talk to women. Get to know them and let others get to know you. Be accessible. You may not feel comfortable doing this at first, but the more you do it, the better you become at conversation. There are few skills as important in life, whether for dating, job advancement, or simply enjoying the variety of life and everything it has to offer.
Enter into conversations with no sense of expectation. Don’t expect this girl to be the love of your life. Don’t expect guy friends to be your best friends. Simply talk and get to know people. Most of these people will become nothing more than one-offs or simple acquaintances. A few will become friends. One might be that someone special.
If you go into each conversation with heightened expectations, you’re going to come away disappointed most of the time, and you’ll become frustrated and perhaps even bitter. Understand that not every road leads to home. Explore life and the people around you, and the more you get to know, the better your odds are that you’ll get that date you want.
You might think this is a lot of trouble for a date, but you’re giving yourself options and avenues. Maybe these friends you meet in the meantime introduce you to the girl of your dreams. Maybe they invite you to some place where you meet the girl for you. Maybe they introduce you to a whole lot of different women, increasing your options. At the very least, people are going to see you have a lot of friends and acquaintances, which is attractive. And when you’re not there, someone is likely to be speaking well of you, perhaps in front of the girl you like.
Ask a Lot of Questions
If you have trouble talking about yourself, you’re in luck. Experts I’ve read claim that most conversations should be 70% about the other person, 30% about you. If a person talks about themselves a lot, that’s certain to be a subject they’re interested in. They’ll walk away from that conversation with the impression that you’re a better conversationalist than you really are, simply because you are a good listener. The art of listening is one of the most important skills you can have.
That doesn’t mean shutting up and shutting yourself off. Truly “listening” is hearing and understanding. To pull off this trick, you have to be able to hear what someone is saying, relate it to something in your life, and convey that to the other person in a meaningful way. This means that you should be able to “open up” about your own thoughts and experiences to a certain extent. When you reply to what a girl just told you and related it to a story from your life, that tells her that you’re truly listening and understanding her. You make a connection.
Eventually, one of the questions you ask will be to ask her on a date. This may not happen in your first conversation, but you have to be able to pull the trigger when the time is right. Have a plan in mind besides “let’s get together for a movie and dinner sometime”. Have a place to be, a time to be there, and a positive idea both of you are going to enjoy this activity. That is, stay positive.
And whether she says yes or no, or even if she shoots your idea down in brutal fashion, stay positive. Don’t act embarrassed, stifled, or crushed, even if that’s how you feel. Go on with the conversation as if it’s no big deal and, unless she leaves you in no doubt she’s not into you, say, “Okay. Maybe some other time.”
This brings me to my next point.
Act Like You’ve Been There Before
There’s a saying in football involving players who score touchdowns and begin elaborate, manic football celebration rituals: “Act like you’ve been there before.”
The idea is that the best players score touchdowns all the time, so they don’t have to celebrate like a fool when they score a TD. In fact, some great players (Barry Sanders, for example) would hand the ball to the referee and trot calmly off the field. He acted like he expected to score.
That’s the way a man should play it when a girl does agree to go on a date with him. Don’t jump for joy. Don’t get all excited and flustered and say, “That’s great!” Act like you’ve been there before. Act like you expected her to say “yes”. Be calm, be composed, and say something like, “I’ll see you there” or “I’ll pick you up at 7″. Play it cool.
Be Reliable – Be a Man
I’ve told guys to present a challenge and to be unpredictable, but you also want to treat your date with respect, too. If something happens that causes you to cancel, don’t just stand her up. Remember her phone number and give her a call. Tell her in person. Try to reschedule.
This is about being a man and doing what you say you’re going to do. When you surprise a woman, you want it to be a positive surprise. You want to keep her guessing, but with a sense of anticipation. This is about charm, attraction, and romance, not immediately bringing forth a bunch of negative emotions. The fact is, negative things are going to come anyway, so you shouldn’t problems for yourself. It’s far better to have a great time, show her the town, then end the date a little earlier than she might have expected.
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 16th, 2010 at 11:11 pm and is filed under Attraction, Dating, How To. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.