Lonely Hearts and Lonely People
How to Stop Being Lonely
Someone once wrote, “Loneliness: the clearest of crystal insight into your own soul. It’s the fear of one’s own self that haunts the lonely.” While there are many quotes and sayings about loneliness and solitude, that’s a good enough place to start our discussion of lonely hearts and lonely people.
Guys Feeling Lonely
If you’re alone right now, you are left to your own thoughts and emotions. You probably feel like these feelings don’t have a natural outlet, that you need to share them with someone. You might be right.
Being lonely can become oppressive, while feelings of loneliness can make one feel desperate for attention, understanding, and companionship. In the dating world, your sense of desperation can feed into your lack of success with women, as you start to wonder if you’ll ever be loved again. That, my friend, is about the worst place to be for the lonely heart, because women can sense desperation. They can smell it like your dog smells your last meal.
Tips for Lonely Men
Okay, that may be laying it on a little thick. The point being, someone with a lonely heart has to learn how to stop being lonely, or else this sense of isolation and solitude can hurt his chances of ever getting a woman. You become like a team who’s three scores behind in a sporting event, pressing to make something positive happen, making mistakes that a team which is cool, calm, and collected would never make. In other words, you start to “choke”, making uncharacteristic mistakes, usually because you’re in a hurry to succeed.
Just like in a competition, it’s best to take a deep breath, get some perspective, and start to use your wits and common sense again. First, find some camaraderie and someone to bounce ideas off of. Second, find yourself.
Self-Examination and Self-Improvement
Like the saying I quoted above, the lonely times provide insight into your soul. You have nothing but time to be introspective, so you either avoid this soul-searching and find comfort in escapism and release, or you start to get serious about evaluating your life. In either case, you eventually have to pay the proverbial piper. You’ll encounter moments every day when who you are and what you’ve become stare you in the face. It’s best to enter a time of self-examination and self-improvement.
Avoiding Depression – Lonely Hearts Feeling Blue
The key factor is to make this a positive, not a negative, time. The introspection and extra time in solitude often tends to make lonely people depressed. Being depressed is a natural state when you are alone or you’ve just come out of a long relationship, but you can’t let that turn into the full state of depression.
Instead, reassess what it is that you want to improve about yourself, then start to make improvements in your life. This is how you turn a lonely heart and introspection into a positive thing. In time, you emerge from your depressed state a better man for what you’ve gone through.
One way to improve yourself and to stave off depression is to get cardiovascular exercise. Studies show that 30 minutes of cardio workouts a day help those suffering from mild depression. This gets the blood flowing through your brain and pumps joy-producing endorphins that create the “workout high” effect people talk about. Also, trimming a few pounds or toning the body can’t hurt your self-image, either.
Talk to People – Find Someone to Confide in
Another way to avoid the worst side effects of having a lonely heart is to find people to talk to. If you have friends or family members you trust and who are good listeners, discuss with them your feelings of isolation and uncertainty. If you don’t have a person among your circle of friends you feel comfortable talking about these subjects, then find an online community of single guys where you can post about your thoughts. The anonymity lets you reveal yourself without revealing too much, while the community aspect lets you get support and feel a part of something.
The important thing is to avoid isolation. When you talk to other people about your problems, there is a cathartic effect, an act of purging. It makes you feel like you have these thoughts off your chest. More than that, though, people can provide insight and perspective that your own self-analysis isn’t likely to provide. No matter how smart you are, you can fall prey to fallacies, assumptions, and paranoia where other opinions can set you straight. Eventually, you’ll find people you trust who can keep your on the path of common sense. Once again, consistent studies show that groups of people are smarter at answering questions than one lone person, so deal with your problems as a part of a group or community.
Perspective and Common Sense – Dating Tips
Once you start to talk about you lonely heart with other lonely people, you’re going to find that your problems aren’t as bad as you thought they were, and you’ll find that your problems probably aren’t that unique. Others will have faced similar situations and provide anecdotes and insights to help you with your.
Perspective is an amazing thing. I’ll give on more sports analogy, because it applies. I recently heard a football player say, after watching tape of his last game, “You’re never as good as you think you are (after a win). You’re never as bad as you think you are (after a loss).” It’s the same in real life. Your situation is not as bad as it seems right now.
Lonely Hearts and Lonely People
Once you start to understand this, you’ll start to regain hope. Once you regain hope, you’ll start to regain your confidence. With confidence, you’ll be able to approach women with a better chance of success. That doesn’t mean you’ll always succeed or get what you want–life is not based on that concept. Life is about struggling through your successes and failures, taking the opportunities provided to you, and learning from all three.
You may look at your lonely heart and your time as a lonely person and view that as nothing but a stark failure. But being alone actually gives you the opportunity to start over with a clean slate. Tomorrow when you wake up, the possibilities are once again open to you. You might wake up lonely, but the day is full of promise, and this can be the day when the failures of the past point to the successes of the future. There’s a world full of lonely people out there, just like yourself. So find a few and make them a part of your new life.
See also:
- How to Improve Your Speaking Voice
- How to Get a Girlfriend Fast
- How to Improve Your Looks
- Looking for a Girlfriend
- How to Be Spontaneous
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
This entry was posted on Monday, June 7th, 2010 at 6:48 am and is filed under Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.