Dating Secrets
Dating Secrets
Dating is stressful. We worry about how we look, what we say, and what our partner thinks of us. We stress about where to go, how much money to spend, and whether or not to expect sex afterwards.
Here are a few dating secrets to take some of the pressure off.
She / He Is Just As Nervous As You Are
Sometimes when we feel nervous, we think we are the only person in the world who feels that way. Anxiety and nervous tension are lonely feelings by nature, and as anxiety and nervousness increase, our feelings become less rational, our mood becomes toxic, and we become less and less capable and attractive. Anxiety about dating makes dating works, which increases anxiety–it is a wicked downward spiral.
The good news is that your date is probably just as nervous as you are. Self-confidence is overrated; maybe not so much overrated as over-advertised. On a first or second date it is not normal to feel at ease, so rest assured that your date is just as antsy as you are. Sometimes saying something simple like: “I’m really nervous,” is the best way to break the ice and make both of you feel better about a nervous situation. Your date will thank you for it (and maybe she’ll stop wringing her napkin between her hands).
You Look Great
Here’s a secret most people never learn–you look fantastic. No amount of stress over your physical appearance is going to change anything, anyway. There’s not a beauty product, makeup brush, hair dye, or fancy suit that will really impact the way you look.
Sure, go ahead and make yourself look your best. Clean yourself up, shave, and throw on a new jacket or wear a new pair of shoes–but allow yourself to be comforted by the fact that you look good.
We are often our own best critics, especially when it comes to our looks. But think back to your last date. Your partner looked great, right? We are often so blind to our own positive attributes we don’t stop to realize that most people are attractive to some degree.
Stop getting all worked up about looking perfect and concentrate instead on having a good time. Your date will be better for it.
Nobody Knows What They’re Doing
This is the most important dating secret to learn. This doesn’t just apply to dating–no one ever really knows what’s going on. From job interviews to difficult exams, and from your first sexual encounter to the day you die, no one in the world will ever really have it all together.
This is very true for dating. Know that there are no “expert daters”. No one is good at dating because dating is awkward by nature.
Let’s say you accidentally get lucky and you’re about to have sex after a first or second date–don’t let your partner fool you, they have no idea what’s about to happen. There’s no such thing as someone who is “gifted sexually”, and we are all nervous puddles of flesh when it comes to the bedroom and the dating scene.
If you can imagine your next dating partner as a scared human being just like you, lacking confidence and unsure of the future, then you can level the playing field.
There’s nothing new under the sun, and dating secrets are no different. These mental tricks are as old as dating itself. Remember that dating is essentially a confidence game, a con wherein two people convince each other that they are happy, sexy, successful people. If you know that dating’s a game from the beginning, you’ve already won.
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This entry was posted on Friday, May 21st, 2010 at 7:34 am and is filed under Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.